Mavis was a Germaphobe

I’ve been in the teaching field for over a decade.  I’ve had several illnesses, some as awful as meningitis (the non-lethal kind) as shocking as conjunctivitis (pink-eye – which recurs periodically), and several stomach bugs and colds of varying degrees.  Everyone knows that a preschool classroom is a germ camp, and I WAS spraying every square inch in Lysol (the generic kind because Lysol costs like $10 a can – what is it made out of, plutonium?!?) but I got a bit lazy I guess, and in the two days of laziness (actually more of a  hurry to get out of work), I’ve had two stomach bugs.  I just recovered from the first one fully last night.  Finally felt normal.  Then, early this afternoon, I smelled a horrendous smell in my classroom.  I have a green anole lizard, and I have to feed it crickets, so I keep them in a small aquarium.  I need to feed them and water them or else they will try to eat the lizard, and he won’t get any nutrients because they will be vacant vessels if not fed.  I figured it was them that smelled so I cleaned their enclosure and continued to bop about with the kids playing.  The smell had morphed into what seemed to be an evil cloud of decay, so I said, “Excuse me, but did someone poop?”  A boy front and center said, “Me did.”  This is not normal.  These kids are 3 and a half, they don’t just poop and play on.  I sent him to the bathroom and called for help – I asked the office to send someone to clean him up.  The person who they sent is honestly one of the most hilarious people I’ve ever met – so as she’s cleaning him I’m cracking up, as she’s loudly proclaiming:

“Lord Jesus, oh my lord!!”

“How did you get poop there?  I mean how DID you do it?  Did you use your hands?  Your feet?  It is up under and behind the toilet for goodness sakes!!”

“Oh Jesus, be with me, make the devil leave this room, Lord, I can’t breathe.  OH MY!”

“What have you eaten?  Was it evil?”

So his Mom comes to pick him up and I’ve used a whole can of generic Lysol and I can’t use enough hand sanitizer, I have the window open, and I don’t realize that my room controls the heat output so my neighbor room is cooking because the heat is compensating for the open window…anyway, the Mom is like, “So, how was he today, did he seem lethargic?”  I said, “Not really, no, he was fine, but there was poop everywhere.”  “This morning he seemed tired and not himself, but he said he wanted to come see you,” she says…(is she ignoring that there is POOP EVERYWHERE?).  “He has no shoes because he got poop on them, and he’s wearing someone else’s pants.”  “Was he good for you today?”  “Yes, he was good.”  As I’m driving off on my lunch break, I’m thinking to myself that the majority of these people must come from some netherworld where denial and oblivion reign supreme.  When I returned and told the woman who cleaned him up about my conversation with the mom, she said, “Did you tell her the boy was a FOUNTAIN OF POOP?!?”  LOL.  So I don’t know if it was the bug that he had but my stomach was a mess – maybe it was psychological – I don’t know – but I haven’t been right since – had 10 Cheezits for dinner and should have been in bed an hour ago but I hardly ever exercise good judgement when it comes to my health, so here I am.

Yesterday afternoon I asked the class if they wanted me to bring Mavis (the Mantis) in and put her in a glass case so they could observe her and she could avoid the snow and cold temperatures that were forecasted today.  I had 5 kids at that point, and 3 of them said yes, but 2 didn’t want me to.  This morning, I thought I’d take her in with me.  I went out, and she was gone.  I don’t blame her, poop fountains, booger eaters, butt sniffers abound.  Mavis had her threshold.  I wonder where she went, I wonder if a bird ate her, but I have to say I’m relieved not to feel guilty about her anymore.

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2 thoughts on “Mavis was a Germaphobe

  1. I LOVE reading your posts! They make me smile. If you ever write a book, let me know immediately as I will be first in line to buy it!!!

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