Well, one would think today was a total wash…except for the guinea pig.
Mondays for me are notoriously unproductive, but today was particularly unproductive because we had all 4 of us in our irregular Queen bed last night, which is really just a double bed with an ego, and I drank a “Rock Star” energy drink at 6 pm (I had so much to do!), so at 1:30am I was laying in bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling hallucinating shadows and figures and such. I thought to myself, “Well, clearly, I am NOT a rockstar,” as my son elbowed me in the nose and my daughter smacked my ear in her sleep.
I had planned to begin training for my 2 mile “Peace Race” next Sunday, this morning – maybe shave off a few seconds off last year’s time, but when that alarm went off, I had only profanity to answer it with, and I turned it right off with no hope for snooze reconsiderations.
I arrived at work on time today, which caused my boss to actually clap. She was laughing and saying that she had a dream last night that I actually arrived on time this morning and I said she must be a psychic. I made a mental note to actually get up with the alarm tomorrow, no matter what. Clapping for on time shouldn’t be happening at my age. I keep waiting for that day when I “have it all together” but I don’t think it is ever coming – I am always a day late, a dollar short, and pretty much exhausted.
At my job, I have taken the role of “Zookeeper” because every classroom has to have a live pet and the teachers are not really interested in making these animals comfortable, because they are not necessarily on board with having a pet anyway…prior to me taking on this role, a lizard has died, several fish have died, a rabbit has lost its mind and began peeing orange and was removed, and a guinea pig has run itself ragged around and around the cage when the kids get loud.
Honestly, I’ve spent too much money on these animals at this point. I have been reimbursed for what I have demanded to be reimbursed for – like a basking light for the lizard which was a life or death thing – and a few other things, but once I had everyone stabilized, I wanted to improve their quality of life. Therefore I bought a big tunnel for the guinea pig today with timothy hay in it – a cool toy for the parakeet (she didn’t like the mirror toy I bought her last week) and a bunch more crickets for the lizard as well as longevity sustenance for the creepy crickets so I don’t have to drive all the way to the pet store so often. The lizard still looks at me with contempt, although I’ve brought it logs, plants, mealworms, fruit flies (which have now laid a ton of freakin’ fruit fly MAGGOTS in the vial, vitamin supplements, and crickets, fresh water each day, it just wants to be in Florida. Me too, buddy, me too.
So anyway, the kids today, well they were off the hook. No one threatened to poop on me, and I was not spit on, so that is a plus, but I was kicked very hard, and head butted in the chin, which is bad because I have a front tooth that is barely hanging on as it is, due to several injuries over the years. While reading books in my classroom I basically have to yell, because otherwise I lose their interest. And while reading today, the kid who wanted to push my buttons just kept screaming indiscriminately, every 2 minutes or so, for effect and attention. I ignored him, and eventually he listened to the book, and even commented at the end. By the way, his mother told me last week it isn’t him, it’s me…and I just kept sweeping and mopping my classroom, clenching my teeth.
So as I was leaving today, I was feeling low, feeling like quitting, feeling like running away, and then I looked in on the guinea pig, and folks, well, I tell you, he was smiling at me, inside his tunnel, eating timothy hay, and loving life – and I said to myself out loud, “Well, if I did nothing else today, at least I made a difference to that guinea pig,” and I felt better about things.
Well tomorrow I plan to get that new leaf turned over I’ve been planning to turn over for like 25 years or so…waking up early, getting my stuff together…I’ll let you know how it goes. I read recently that passive aggressive personality disorder (since ’08 not in the DSMV) sounds way way too much like the reason behind my tendency to sabotage myself due to an underlying contempt for authority and rules. Huh. Well now I have to fight that.